On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
