i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why do cheetos always look like penises
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
