I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were trust falling into bushes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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