he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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