I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize