Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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