he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
