Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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