The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
