yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
