Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
