do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
