I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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