Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
