new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
