So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
