I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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