Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize