yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
