When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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