New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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