Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
