you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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