im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
