So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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