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it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
