Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
