his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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