Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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