Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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