I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
