that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
