I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize