So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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