Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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