i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
