last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My bed smells like the plague
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
