took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
