It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
