I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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