A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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