Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The uberlube is also flammable
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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