Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
