yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
