just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
