You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
