Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize