what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
