I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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