Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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