You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
