My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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