Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
