Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
