This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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