i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
