Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize