Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
