My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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