I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize