I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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