I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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